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When Your Autistic Child Refuses

A simple plan. One step at a time.

3-step response

  1. 1

    Pause. Get down to their eye level.

  2. 2

    Acknowledge the feeling: "This feels hard."

  3. 3

    Offer a First-Then: "First shoes, then park."

Calming tools

Take a break

Step away for 60 seconds. The moment will still be here — and you'll meet it softer.

Breathe together

Breathe
in… and out…

Follow the circle. 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out.

First → Then

Name what comes now, then what comes next.

First

Quiet time

Then

Favourite snack

Why this might be happening

Refusing often means a need isn't being met — autonomy, predictability, or readiness. Small choices restore a sense of control.

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Try a First → Then board

Restore choice and predictability with two simple steps.

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Visit 1 for refusing.